Ok, ok. Its been a while since I have updated this blog. Well...I kept giving my editor assignments and she would just miss deadline after deadline so I had to fire her. (but thankfully I still get to sleep with her). So I will now start updating more regularly. But with no editing my post will be full of stupid mistakes...punctuation, grammar, speling :) but that ok cuz I'm an idiot.
Now onto the rant.......McDonalds Gourmet Anything…
In their infinite quest to make even more money, a number of McDonalds restaurants (And I use the term “restaurant” lightly.) around the country have added “gourmet” items to the menu, so now not only can you order your 2000 calorie Big Mac or your 4000 calorie salad along with those wonderful fries (now cooked in real animal lard) but you can now get a steak quesadilla or a portobello eggplant panini, under the "Bistro Gourmet at McDonald's” menu. And in case you’re tired of the usual cup of caffeinated mud you can now get “gourmet” coffee with espresso (I’m sure the French are rolling over this last one). That’s right, McDonalds now has a “gourmet” menu. WHAT!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKIN KIDDING ME!! McDonalds selling gourmet is like saying George W. Bush was an eloquent speaker.
You wouldn’t let “Chester the Molester” watch your kids would you? Or let Michael Vick dog sit. So why on earth would you go to McDonalds to get gourmet food? The dictionary defines the word “gourmet” as:
1. A connoisseur of fine food and drink; epicure.
2. Of or characteristic of a gourmet, esp. in involving or purporting to involve high-quality or exotic ingredients and skilled preparation: gourmet meals; gourmet cooking.
3. Elaborately equipped for the preparation of fancy, specialized, or exotic meals: a gourmet kitchen.
Notice that none of these definitions can even be remotely tied to McDonalds. Let’s review: if you are (1) a connoisseur of fine food and drink, then there is no way you would even eat at a crappy fast food joint. (2a) involving or purporting to involve high-quality or exotic ingredients: if “high-quality” and “exotic” means ingredients that have chemical names that not even God can pronounce. (2b) skilled preparation: Seriously? Exactly how skilled are the teenage high school dropouts that make minimum wage? (3) A gourmet kitchen? Have you looked into the back of a McDonald’s restaurant? I would be willing to bet a REAL steak dinner that the kitchen in the back of the McDonalds looks NOTHING like the kitchen at the Grand America Hotel or the Stein Eriksen Lodge. Just because you put the word “gourmet” in front of a food item does not mean that the item suddenly becomes high quality. You can polish a piece of poo but it’s still a piece of poo!
So it comes down to this: McDonalds…stick to doing what you do best: contributing to Americas obesity problem by selling crappy food at low prices, hiring people that barely speak English to work the drive thru, employing fat teenagers with bad acne to work over the grease grill, and exploiting the mentally challenged to clean up that crap fest you call a restaurant.
