How ya doin'?

I am really getting tired of walking past a person I hardly know (or don’t know at all for that matter) in the mall or on the street and having them say, “How ya doin’?” I know you don’t care, so why are you wasting your breath? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about being polite, and you can still be polite just by saying “Hello” or giving a little head nod. But to ask “How ya doin’?” as you walk by at an even clip without so much as even slowing down a little bit to hear the typical response, “Fine, and you?” is just stupid. The whole damn thing is just so freakin insincere. I don’t say it, and do you know why? Because I don’t know you so I DON’T FREAKIN CARE.

Let’s say you’re walking into a store to buy a pair of boxer shorts and, on his way out, a nice man holds the door open for you and says in passing, “How ya doin’?” What do you think would happen if you stopped and said, “Well…My alarm clock didn’t go off this morning so I was running late for work, and as I was leaving, I accidentally backed over my son’s puppy as he was waving goodbye to me from the living room window. Then on my way to work I got a flat tire and rear-ended a police car; of course I’d left my wallet at home so I didn’t have my driver’s license, and my registration expired yesterday to boot. So anyway, after having my wife come and bail me out of jail and take me to the impound lot to get my car back (which now has a huge scratch on it), I got to work about six hours late, so needless to say I was fired. As a result, for the first time in 12 years I got home an hour and a half before I usually do. I went inside hoping to get a little sympathy for having such a horrible day just in time to see my wife screwing the cop that had arrested me earlier. Well, my wife screamed and the cop jumped up and punched me square in the chin. When I came to a half an hour later the cop, my wife, and all of the credit cards from my wallet that was still on the end table were gone. And to top it all off… I shit myself, which is why I’m here getting a new pair of boxer shorts. So all in all I’ve had a pretty bad day. How are you doing?”

Chances are the man will either look at you like you’re crazy or better yet, say something patronizing like, “Oh, that’s too bad.” Then he’ll walk away wondering just what the hell you were rambling on about. Either way, he doesn’t care. And that’s just the point…you don’t care, I don’t care, NO ONE CARES, so quit asking the damn question!